


A Thousand Times, Once

by sheron



Series: Happy Steve Bingo [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Happy Steve Bingo, Light Angst, M/M, POV First Person, POV Steve Rogers, Pining, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Romance, bow ties
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-10 17:04:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15953720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheron/pseuds/sheron
Summary: At Wanda and Vision's wedding reception, Steve and Tony share a moment out on the balcony.





	A Thousand Times, Once

**Author's Note:**

> Written for my 'bow tie' square in the Happy Steve Bingo challenge. Thank you to nanasekei for looking this over for me! <3
> 
> ETA: I became aware that I wasn't being clever with the title and that I _didn't_ , in fact, "just hear it in a song somewhere, probably" when I realized that I'd actually read another story called "A Hundred Times, Once" by FestiveFerret, SirSapling before this. Oops. The two fics are in no way related.

 

I knew he was sad because he was drinking. When I crossed the sparkling opulence of the hall to come closer, I could smell the faint whiff of bourbon. 

Dressed to the nines, Tony was hunched over to the side so that Bruce could throw a comfortable arm across his shoulders. Oblivious to the tense lines of Tony's body, Bruce was gesticulating with his own glass and grinning, nodding to the beat of the music. I glanced back to follow his gaze and saw Wanda and Vision, the newlyweds, dancing in the midst of a throng of wedding guests. A small smile stole over my lips. Wanda's arms were around Vision's shoulders and his cheek was pressed to the side of her head; both had their eyes closed. The couple looked at peace with each other and the world, which seemed appropriate somehow, after everything. They hovered at least a head higher than everyone else around them, and I knew without having to see their feet that they were floating above the dance floor.

Magic was in the air tonight.

Turning back to Bruce and Tony, I felt a thrill run up my spine when Tony's eyes met mine. Dark and deep, they held me in their grip for a long moment, before Tony blinked slowly, breaking the stare. He pulled up a faint smile to his lips.

"Those kids really love each other," he said with a conspiratorial air, to Bruce's vigorous agreement. Tony added, "This is nice," and took another long sip of his bourbon.

"Oh. Steve," Bruce greeted me, swaying a little as he did, and Tony caught him by the elbow to support him. "You're not dancing?" Bruce didn't pause for me to respond. "You gotta dance. Don't you think he should dance?" He asked Tony, but didn't wait for his answer either. "I was on this alien planet once—" and he launched into a tale we'd heard at least a dozen times by now. 

It was nice that we could look back on those days from this vantage point of the universe being whole again. Bruce kept rambling, gesturing with his drink. Hard to be annoyed with him — Bruce had a look of childlike innocence in his eyes when he talked about his travels with Thor and his crew. 

Tony shot me this quick amused glance, like we were sharing a private joke, just between us, and my heart flipped over in my chest. Damn. I thought I was safe. After all these years, I thought I was over him.

Tony nudged Bruce in the direction of the dining table where Thor was drinking, in the company of Natasha and Sif. They greeted the new arrival warmly when Tony got Bruce squared away by pushing him to sit down next to the others, and himself stood watching them chatter away with some undefinable emotion on his face. I was watching him; the way the alcohol loosened his movements a little, the way he smiled, fondly, and yet with that infinite note of sadness I felt from him earlier. He cradled his drink to his chest, as if hugging it. I didn't dare touch him, but I wanted to make things easier somehow. As long as he was in public Tony would keep on pretending to be right as rain, while slowly suffocating his true feelings under the easygoing facade.

"Hey, Tony," I said, lurching for something to distract him, to take him out of his head and his thoughts, "Wanna get some air out on the balcony?"

Tony glanced my way, somewhere between surprise and... It was strange, the way things were between us now. Hopeful and fragile. A tentative undercurrent swirled between us for a drawn out moment, like we were maybe both a little apprehensive of what the next instance might bring. But after a brief hesitation, Tony set his glass down and followed me out to the balcony. When I shut the French glass doors behind us, locking out the low notes of the violins and laughter behind the glass, we were alone, unseen by the party-goers inside. The lush garden outside the mansion was quiet in the night-time. Stars looked down on us, bright enough to be visible even in the city.

Setting his hands flat against the cold stone railing of the balcony, Tony hung his head forward, slumping.

Even though I wasn't sure how to proceed, I didn't want awkwardness to destroy a nice moment, so I came to stand nearby, setting my back against the railing and looking back into the room, where couples partied and laughed. Inches of space lay between us, and I felt them acutely.

After a moment, Tony gathered himself again, leaning his hip against the marble railing, half turned toward me. He tugged on his bow tie to loosen it slightly, and sighed.

"It's good this is all going to some use," he said, staring out into the night. He meant the wedding. Back when Tony and Pepper had called theirs off, he said it was natural to let the couple that was actually going through with their engagement benefit from all the prep. Natural, maybe, but also very kind and more than a little painful, even if for months Tony had insisted it was what he wanted. This was his gift to Wanda and Vision, this and a very nice tropical honeymoon vacation.

His hands fiddled with the bow tie again, and I saw then that he he'd had too much to drink, his hands were unsteady. Frustrated, he tugged at the silk to loosen it, as if it was choking him, and succeeded only in tightening the knot.

"Here, let me..." The words slipped off my lips before I was fully conscious of stepping forward. My hands froze half way up to his neck. His eyes caught mine again, and numb, terrified he'd read me easily, I held everything in, as tight as I could, so he would not see how I felt in my eyes. "Can I?"

"Go for it," Tony said with a bit of an eye-roll and swayed closer. Moonlight made his skin look paler, and that made his eyes stand out even more, thick eyelashes like smudges against his cheeks. When he tilted his chin back to give me access to his neck, it hit me that we were past the chasm that had lain between us. He trusted me again and I... I still missed him.

My fingers touched the black silk tie around his neck and I found the ends of the material, tugging gently. The bow fell apart so easily. And with his half-shut eyes on me, I felt as if I was unraveling faster than the silk between my fingers.

I had to keep things friendly. We were friends again, and I wanted that.

So why, I thought with despair curling deep in my chest, why couldn't I stop the flush rising on my cheeks at the mere proximity of my skin to his. 

"Steve," Tony said, voice low. I glanced into his eyes, still reeling from the way my name sounded on his lips, intimate somehow. Nobody else said it like he did, with so much weight of expectations. For an insane moment, I thought I would have done anything he asked then, if he would only talk to me like that. But Tony just said, "Are you okay?" His voice had gone soft.

"Me?"

"Well, you told me, about dancing with Peggy..." He looked at me earnestly, as I realized where his head was at.

That had been more than three years ago. We'd been in one of Clint and Laura's rooms and he had asked what vision Wanda had shown me, so I told him. I couldn't believe he still remembered that. 

Tony was studying my face, as if trying to divine his answer from my expression, but I was fairly sure I couldn't have summed up how I felt in words. A burst of warmth exploded in my chest at his concern, at the realization that he still carried with him those moments we shared together, same as I did. Enough that even half-soused, with so many years and so much water under the bridge, he'd want to make sure I wasn't still haunted by those memories.

I knew suddenly I would never be over him. 

I was in love with him. 

Deeply. Madly.

It took everything to let go of his silk tie, to let it lie hooked loosely around his neck, starkly black against his starched shirt. I had to do something. Having him a few inches away was torture. "Tony," I said and couldn't go on. He looked at me, no defenses in his eyes as they searched mine for meaning, for understanding. I wanted to give it to him. I wanted to give him everything.

I knew he could reject me in the next moment, and I was afraid of it so much my hands were shaking. Pretending to brush a piece of lint off the pristine black of his suit, I looked somewhere above his right shoulder. My mouth had opened a few times to speak, but I couldn't talk, couldn't hear anything above the hammering of my heart. 

Tony grabbed my freezing hands in his warm grip. "Steve." 

Were we going to stay like this forever, saying each other's names over and over, instead of what was really in our hearts?

"I'm really bad at this — at reading your mind, I mean. I'm crap at it," Tony said barely above a whisper. His eyes entreated me for something. 

His thumb ran a reassuring circle over the skin of my palm, utterly devastating. I realized that noise I heard, a gasp, had come from me. It tore out past any control I tried to maintain, past ruined composure that seemed irrelevant. I couldn't remember why I ever needed it. I only knew I needed him more than anything. I wanted to know what his lips tasted like, and my eyes flickered between them and his eyes. For another moment, Tony stood shock-still, then his hands moved to grab the lapels of my jacket to pull me closer.

I scooped him into my arms even before his hands finished their movement. My mouth found his. 

Besides the softness of his lips, the bristles of his beard, I tasted the bitterness of alcohol on his lips. Reluctantly, I tried to pull back, but he was kissing me, my mouth, the corner of my lips when I tried to twitch away. "Don't leave," he pleaded at a breath, and kissed me again. I shivered at the aching note in his words.

Setting a hand against his cheek, I put a breath of air between us. My forehead was right up against his. "You had a lot to drink."

"Don't you dare," Tony tried to growl, except the snap was missing in his voice. Vulnerability filled its place. When I opened my eyes fully, meeting his, I saw Tony's eyes glistering. "If you back-out now— If you leave— " his breath stuttered. 

"As if I could," I confessed, voice strangled. I had him in my arms and I couldn't believe my luck. That I'd get to have this glimpse of happiness. My hands were wound tight around his waist and I would not let go unless he asked. "I'll be here as long as you want me to be."

It was as if sunshine lit up Tony's face. I might have forgotten to breathe, the way he looked at me then. Like he was at peace at that moment and, truly, so was I, just to see him looking like that, flushed and thrilled. I felt giddy. His fingers gripped my clothes tight, keeping me close. "Look at you," I teased, as gently as I could, grinning because I knew somehow that in that moment he understood me perfectly.

"Steve," he whispered affectionately against my mouth, sending shivers up my spine. He made my name sound like a promise. 

I could kiss him again. I felt like I was floating, but that was just the magic that was purely ours.

 

**Fin.**

 

**Author's Note:**

> Here is the [Tumblr post](https://sheronwrites.tumblr.com/post/177944618789/a-thousand-times-once-word-count-2047-fandom). Thank you for reading!


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